PRIME SPEAK

The Sound Barrier

2009-12-08T04:43:00.000-08:00

Image: Speedworld by Salvatore Vuono courtesy www.freedigitalphotos.net

Hi All!

Back from a longish work related break. Not Holiday, Work, Work, Work.. but it was fun.. lots of thinking and writing and meeting new people, some experimentation.... strange hours... serendipity.. As I said ..Fun! But also lots of new material to work with... so, here we go!

Over the past few weeks had quite a bit of traveling to do. One day I found myself booking tickets over the phone: Here is one hilarious exchange -

I was giving him my name..

and he kept saying p instead of t

so I tried

t for today..

t for thiagarajan.. (what was I thinking!!)

and then a brainwave.. I said t not coffee

then he got it..

then the address came up and what do you know.. another t

again he says p instead of t

But this time he tries to be helpful

and asks 'p as in ball?' !!!

I couldn't help it.. I burst out laughing a little bit

then again the whole repeat of

t for today etc..

once again he got it at t not coffee..!!

In sub-skills of language learning there is something called 'decoding'. This term applies to converting symbols/letters into relevant sounds adding up to meaningful words. Here, the opposite was happening, sounds to letters. But the clincher was that it was happening through two different languages: English and Tamil. The person on the other end was clearly reverse decoding from Tamil, where ball and pall are scripted using the same letters. This happens with any set of languages in the world, in fact the language itself does not matter. What matters is how the early childhood symbol to sound decoding happened.

What has this got to do with professional communication you ask?

One of the many questions I got from readers is that, how can I learn to speak (a language) more fluently?

I have said this many, many times before.. and repeat it yet again here.. the best way is to listen to native speakers.

If you cannot go to Rome to learn Italian, watch Italian movies without subtitles.

So, Italian is not on your top 5 in the list of things to do this year?

Same goes for English, American, British, Australian...any flavour!

Switch off the subtitle option. Slowly, your ear will become accustomed to the sounds. Apart from relocating to Rome, or New York, or Stratford-on-Avon, this is the best and cost effective way to learn to speak a language almost like a native.

As you saw above, the earlier in life you start, the better it is. Therefore, as an adult professional you have to catch up. So choose the smart way, use technology: listen to podcasts, radio on the internet. Remember to choose subjects that interest you. Today there are many almost free options to choose from.

And of course, my favorite plan of action ---(Drum roll here).. PRACTICE..

(Did you think there could be anything else? No, right? Good to hear!)

If you are curious about that t for thiagarajan bit above.. I am not sure why I chose that sure-to- fail option.. but the best explanation is that the I was trying to get T Nagar !!

Thanks all for those who wrote in with your theme requests. Do keep them coming. My email id is at the top of the blog.

Your feedback on the pictures and new look, too, please!

Thank you for reading!

See you more often in the coming weeks!

Gayatri

Dawn.. a brand new beginning!

2009-10-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

Tree, Sunrise, Northumberland from www.freefoto.com under Creative Common License with thanks to the artist.

Hi all!

I am very happy to be back from a longish vacation. I do this about twice a year, where I shut down all that I do and focus on just being in the present. It is a reflective time for me, where I wind down completely and take up no new tasks. It helps me to take a close look at how the things I am involved with fit into my larger view of life. As a result, I completely give up some of the activities after careful review. This blog was one of them.

The good news.. the blog stays. I was going through all your mails and comments and I find that it has helped a few people and I thought, as long as that is happening, there is value in my work. So, I am back with a new look, more pictures and more theme based posts.

Since it is the festive season, let me start by sharing some more good news.

Do you remember those pesky drills that your language teacher used to make your go through.. those declensions, and conjugations, compound sentences, active, passive and what not. If you are old enough to remember the 80s, the book of choice for those drills for teaching English Grammar was Wren and Martin. My teacher used to tell the class " Do all the exercises from pages 284, 286 287, 289-293, by Monday. There goes the weekend, unless you found somebody to join a 'group study' or take it on the chin or palm on Monday!

Well, the good news is that Jack Lynch, a professor of English at Rutgers University, has written a book called the 'Lexicographer's Dilemma'. Good for him ... you say.. but why is that good news for me, the very patient reader?

Well, according to reports, the book tells us that English grammar is an organic, growing thing. Therefore it is much more flexible than what our language teachers and text books have told us all these years. What is important is that the message be understood in the way it was intended. It is not necessary to have perfect grammar at all times!.

Whew, that is a big relief, isn't it?

I am glad that I was able to share this with you in this new revamped blog.

Keep those mails and comments coming. I would also welcome suggestions for themes and any areas you would particularly like to focus on.

See you next week, mid week.

Gayatri

Happy Diwali!

2009-10-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

Outside in!

2009-09-20T20:37:00.001-07:00

Hi All!

How was the pause? Do you feel refreshed? Research has shown that a good break is good for learning. To your refreshed selves, here is today's lesson!

So far I have been advocating making changes from within. Changing from within is ideal. It has a better a chance of making the change permanent.
However, not all of us are made alike. Some of us may want to take a test drive first, before making anything permanent.

That is fine, perfectly fine.

So let us imagine that you want to learn to be a good listener. As an aspiring management professional, listening well is a key skill. The internal change here is to want to know people and their feelings.
This might be an overwhelming change for many people.

The solution then, is to start with the mechanics of listening.

Listen to the message completely.
This means you have to keep your own thoughts in check until the speaker completes the point.
Next, confirm your understanding.
Ask for clarifications at this point, if you need to.
Then you respond.
When you form your response, try to see if you have any idea of the person's feelings. See if you can acknowledge that in your response.
Now, practice doing thise each time you have a serious conversation.
Then track the results.

If you see value in this behaviour, then you can make the change permanent, right?

Try this with other things that you may want to change.

Keep me posted on your progress.

See you all next week!

Gayatri

Power of the pause

2009-09-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

Back again, though not a bad penny I hope!

With all the exercises that we have been going through over the last week. This week, I am taking a pause. No exercises. No thinking. Just simple fun stuff.

One of the fun things to look at before starting your work day is the quotations that pop up on igoogle. This is an addon that is available from igoogle and each day it send you somewhat humourous and sometimes satirical quotations from the famous and not so famous personalities.

Here is one that I liked today : Has the right touch of humour, the disarming kind.

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" Abraham Lincoln

There are other sources too.

Here are a couple from elswhere.. enjoy them for a chuckle, or use them to impress.

The one below surely is a mantra for modern corporate life.. one of those aha moments..

"The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution."
.. and this one is by Bertrand Russell.

And this .... a good one to keep in mind when walking through the maze of the corporate world.

"When you say you agree to a thing in principle you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice." Bismark

Reminds me of Sir Humphrey in the Yes Minister series.

Take a deep breath, forget those exercises for the week and give your mind a rest!

See you next week

Gayatri

Listening Challenge.. phase 2

2009-09-06T20:33:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

Here we are back again.. pushing our limits. Yes, yes.. I understand that it has been a tough couple of weeks. After all we have got a solid jolt to our confidence in the powers that be. The swine flu is one thing.. but to lose track of a CM for hours.. if it can happen to CMs what about mere mortals like us, asked a friend. She is right. We are mere mortals. Well, as the Americans say, that which does not kill us, only makes us stronger.

However, there are many things we can do for ourselves without waiting for the power that be.
So here we are at phase 2 of the challenge.

As you listened to the speaker, focus on the thought process behind the words, then try to figure out the feelings behind it.

You will find that with some imagination and a large dose of empathy, you will be able to arrive at the feeling.

Now, take courage in your hands and ask the speaker 'I see that you are feeling (sad, disappointed, happy, stressed..)'

And wait for the rewards.

What the rewards are, you will have to wait for the next phase of the challenge.

Those of you who have responded with your experience, thank you so much for sharing. Please let me know if I can publish it.
Looking forward to more of your experiences and as much detail as you are comfortable with.

See you all!

Gayatri

A Prime Speak Challenge

2009-08-30T19:43:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

We are moving towards the more heavier skills in communication.

I thought it is time we had a challenge round.. (yeah yeah.. I too have been watching some reality TV. )

Try this experiment:

When others are talking to you. Suspend all other thoughts for atleast a minute or two and focus on the person talking.

Now don't scare them off by staring open jawed at them, I mean mentally focus.. we are not talking about hynotism here.

Don't think of a response, don't think of your next appointment or whether you had forgotten to pay a bill and most importantly don't look at your mobile.

Then when you find your attention flagging.. repeat. Remember everyone's mind wanders after a while, so just drag it back into the conversation.

Easy, right?

Here comes the tough part. For this challenge, this conversation cannot be about something that benefits you or cannot be about you. The person should be talking about something that is relevant to his or her life.

However, do practice on other types of conversations.

What say you?

Are you up to the challenge?

Send those mails.. and comments to share, I enjoy them, and so do others reading this blog.

Next week, I will share with you why this is so important. It includes promotions and leadership.... ( ha..now you are interested, eh?)

All the best!

See you next week!

Gayatri

Catch yourself!

2009-08-23T17:40:00.000-07:00

Hi all!

I am back after a short enforced holiday. I took the opportunity to think about some stale habits that we all have picked up in our everyday communication.

One of the easily noticed habits is using the same set of words. I don't mean the words such as 'fine' or 'ok'.. I mean words such as 'palpable'.
Let me assure you, I know that we all have our favourite words and styles.. I have mine.. and would not like to be told that it is too much!
But 'palpable' .. ? Crossing limits a bit there, don't you think? Some of these words can be technical or domain specific jargon. That is fine, if you are a doctor, 'prescription' is a word that cannot be avoided.. likewise if you are a priest 'blessing' is one word that you cannot avoid. We are not talking about those kinds of words.

Most often such words happen to be descriptions or fillers. Words like 'Actually', 'Well' 'etc' are fillers. Words such as 'wonderful', 'great', 'abysmal' are descriptions that are overused. You will find them in newspapers articles, speeches and in common conversations.

Another habit is ....being overly formal. If we go with the premise that communication is all about connecting with people, then overly formal communication can feel too cold and unfeeling. If you are at the receiving end, it can put you off. I get mails from a service provider whose mail always starts by asking for my valuable feedback. There have been a couple of instances in our interaction where feedback was needed, but not all the time. It is even used in the mails he sends where there is an invoice attached! Hmm..., should I send some extremely valuable feedback instead of a cheque for a couple of thousand rupees... I wonder?
Do remember, it is not only is about formal language but also the medium. Printed letters are more formal than emails, emails are more formal than sms.. you knew that.. didn't you? But when do you use printed documents or letters?
Once you put something on paper, it has an air of finality to it, so think twice about printing out an email in the middle of a discussion and asking your team member if this is ok? Let the discussion continue until the key points are agreed and then send a mail in confirmation, only then print it out. and that too only if it is needed.

What is the main message of the rambling note? Well the message is .... moderation!

A good word to remember. Formality, jargon, habits.. moderation is the key.

That is all for the week.

I am enjoying your mails with feedback.. please keep them coming.

Also, do feel free to post on this site.

If any of you want me to focus on one particular point or issue in communication, do let me know!

See you all next week.

Gayatri

The message and the medium

2009-08-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

You have all, quite possibly, heard about or read about or even seen one of those messages in a bottle. You know those Robinson Crusoe types of messages.... where if you are stranded on a lonely island you find empty bottles and put notes in them, seal them and put them out to sea at different times of the day.

Why different times of the day? Different tides and currents means that it could potentially reach different shores.

Some years ago, some school children had reportedly tried it and asked people who pick their messages up on the beach to write back. Apparently, some of the bottles had traveled across oceans, connecting people continents apart.

Today, one post on Twitter could do that.

But the trick is to get people to want to connect with you on Twitter or on other media.

And how do we do that?

There are people who teach you how, for a few hundred dollars.

But some of the basics hold good no matter whether it is a bottle or Twitter feed. Once you have a topic that would be of interest to people:

Speak in the language of your intended audience
Use fewer words
Edit content for clarity
Choose a medium that would reach your intended audience at no additional cost.

Any of you Twitterers out there? What are your experiences? Please do share it with us.

See you all next week!

Gayatri

How to say it?

2009-08-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

You know what to say but you are not sure how to say it. Have you felt like that ever?
Sometimes you are not satisfied with the how of it or worse, the message got distorted.

Of course, greeting card companies make a lot of money by stepping in this gap.
For example: one of the cards I remember from my school days, is one that carried this message from one friend to another traveling friend ' I wish you were hereabout than thereabout' . The best part is, it was not even sent to me. The recipient was happy to show it to me.

It kind of summarised the whole message of 'I am missing you!' and said it quite clearly in a memorable way.

Those were those good, real old days, before cellular/mobile phones and cheap or free texting /sms services.

Sms has become a very common way of getting in touch with people. Today , I can safely say that of the different ways I get in touch with people, sms is the second most preferred, next to voice calls. Meeting people???

No way!

It is proving to be very, very, difficult! What with the different work schedules of family members and the new Harry Potter movie to be watched, and the timing of the different sports events and not to miss, those festivals for which lots of shopping needs to be done. Then, if nothing else, there is the traffic! Meeting people, unless it is urgent and important, does not happen!

So, how does one say it?

Well, there is no set way.. whatever works between the two parties, I would say. You go with the rules for most formal communication, and rest easy. For informal ones, it is tricky, but we can start with the rules and add a touch of compassion. That works most often.

However, I can say how NOT to say it!

1. Don't choose the lazy option! That is, if the message needs to be told in person, don't sms.
2. Don't choose the wrong time and place. If you have a serious message to convey, don't walk in at dinner time. Especially, if you want the other person to do something for you, do so one-on-one, in a place where there is some privacy.
3. Don't use the wrong tone. eg: If you don't have authority over the other person, don't make it sound as though you do. Short sentences, beginning with the words 'You will..' sound authoritative.
4. Lastly but surely, really, not the least, don't use the wrong words! Put the message together and read it to yourself. Does it say what you want it to say? Can you pronounce all the words? Is the message conveyed in the right proportion?

You know what? These are not in anyway different from the basic principles of communication. They can be easily derived, if you focus on the most important element of all communication. Can you tell me what that is?

I would like to know what you think!

Email or comment with your responses..

Talk to you next week!

Happy Friendship Day!

Gayatri

Speaking From Experience

2009-07-26T18:33:00.001-07:00

Congratulations Readers!

We are now at the second level of communication skills.

...And what is that?

Persuasiveness.

Yes, as you all are probably aware, the intent of communication is to convey thoughts, ideas and feelings which should result in some action. For action to happen, some persuading is necessary. In my business, I have to use persuasion a lot. After all, when selling consulting services, the end result is often not tangible and also cannot be sensed beforehand.

Here is a short case study:

In the recent past, I have been trying to work with a group to promote different programs using psychometric testing. This was being coordinated by one person, a very senior manager of the group. Being an educational institution, naturally, career counseling aspects of the program were understood and well appreciated. However, no other aspect was even being recognised, let alone appreciated.

All along I was trying to get the coordinator to take the test, to get a feel of it all. He thought it was a good idea, but other everyday things intervened and the test was not taken.
Soon, I get a mail detailing how they were going to deploy the test in their institution. I was shocked to see that a large part of the benefits of these tests were largely unaccounted for.

To put into perspective, let me try to use a local analogy. To me the test was a coconut tree, where each and every part is useful to the consumer. To the coordinator, the tree gave some great tasting water, which quenched the thirst in summer, and was hygienically packed!

The coordinator is very intelligent and at the top of his profession. He understood the theoretical aspects of the test. But not having experienced it, he was not able to extrapolate and look at the various uses of those results. The tests, if deployed as detailed in their mail, would be at a utilisation rate of under 20% of the time and money invested. What a waste!

Sometimes, the best form of persuasion is one free trial, like a test drive. Then, you can use fewer words and the benefits and the flaws too hit home most effectively.

The good news is that, with the next proposal, I insisted on the coordinator taking the test herself before even discussing the benefits to her institution. This has been a big help in the process. They are now able to make an informed decision about deploying the test.

As they say, there is learning in every setback!

Thanks for listening!

Keep those comments coming.

See you all next week.

Gayatri

Follow some leaders

2009-07-19T19:00:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

I thought I will share with you some of those sites that I visit frequently.

www.nytimes.com This as you guessed right, is the site of The New York Times. I got into the habit of reading this paper when I lived abroad. In print it is a very thick and heavy paper and on cold Sundays it is a treat to read your paper and a big cup of hot coffee. Of course, some of the writers are very good and the columnists have their own unique style. The topics cover a wide range from the expected ones on local and world news, there are interesting features on science and education. Sometimes, there are articles on topics that you would never would think as being a topic for an international newspaper. One article I remember well was about the difficulty of getting your home appliances repaired if you lived on a remote island.

I also find that the paper has adapted well to the net format, and the net version adds value by providing clips and visuals that are better than the print version.

A good paper to follow to improve American English as well as keeping up to date on points of general interest.

The Times of India

I am not particularly a fan of the print version of this paper, but the epaper is very functional. It provides me the ability to scan through items of interest and also gives me multi city editions.
For me it is a big time saver. I don't have too much to complain about the language except that some of their articles do tend to be lengthy. Their coverage is very comprehensive.

This is a good paper to scan for the important events of the day in the country.

www.zenhabits.net

This is a good productivity and life coaching site, though written from the American perspective.
What I like about this site is that the author is honest and authentic about his own life. He writes about things that he has tried himself. He has written about finding himself in deep trouble financially and physically and then rebuilding his life from there. I find that there is a soothing quality to the layout and the writing. Do search the archives for tips on handling emails, working to reach your goals etc.

What has these to do with communication you ask?

Good question.

These 3 sites represent different kinds of written communication. Keeping up with them will surely improve our language.

The content of these 3 sites are helpful as is. Use them to stay informed or to better your life.

They help me, and I thought they might help you.

Try it and let me know. :)

See you next week!

Gayatri

Saying goodbye

2009-07-12T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

.... no.. no, I am not saying goodbye..! I am talking about the difficulty of saying good bye.

As I shared with you in the last post, I was traveling on an assignment last week. I used the silence to observe what was happening around me.

This idea came to me after observing people at the airport going through the goodbye ritual at the parking place or over their mobiles. There were the quick goodbyes 'Reached airport, will call you when I get there' and then there were the long ones, where you could lay a bet on who is going to disconnect first.
This particular one happened over the free telephone in the security lounge. This good bye started with the usual, " I was happy to see you all.. ' etc.. but continued on to when the next visit would be and why and how many days is he planning to stay and which of his family members should come to greet him at the airport the next time, and what temples will be visited.. which restaurants were good.. what shopping bargains he was happy with and how well the clothes fit.... how happy he is to be able to return so soon.. and on it went, until the flight was called.

I was quite enthralled by this, well honestly.. a bit envious too perhaps. I mean, to have someone listen to this at the other end, must be very strong bonds. I was most struck by the ease in which this person was communicating all his thoughts and feelings. Kudos to him!

I must confess, that most goodbyes I hear are of the 'Ok, see you soon' variety. If the situation is formal, then people do wait and say good bye. But, not with the greatest of comfort or ease. When saying goodbye, I see that people leave with some faint murmurings of good wishes or thank yous and quietly slip away, especially when the setting becomes a bit formal. The good news is that, there is a standard format that works for good byes as well.

Step 1. Address the person by name or title
Step 2. Make eye contact
Step 3. Thank them for the invitation or convey something positive about the event. Don't forget to add the details. 'The food was great. I enjoyed the icecream!' 'The speech was very absorbing. Liked your point about public involvement'
Step4. Convey when you will see them next or tender a reciprocal invitation.
Step 5. Smile
Step 6. Walk away.

Simple huh?

See you all next week.

Thanks for the comments.. please feel free to disagree too :)

Keeps me sharp!

Gayatri

Silence!

2009-07-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

I have talked so much about talking.. thought it is a great opportunity to look at silence today.
I hope to be traveling for a program over this weekend and will be in a longish flight. I am traveling alone and being a late evening flight looking forward to have my seat mates fall asleep.

In urban life it is very difficult to find those moments of silence. Total silence, where you are not expected to talk. I hear that there are meditation programs where you do not speak for a week or so, nor are you expected to listen. I wonder whether I can last that long in silence.

However a flight of a few hours should be doable. I will share my experience next week.

Any one out there who has experienced such long silences?

Please do share. TIA!

A short post this week as I am traveling.

See you next week!

Gayatri

Follow the belief

2009-06-28T19:07:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

You have doubtless heard the old saying 'Seeing is Believing'. What it means is that if you can see something happen or that something exists, then you will have faith in its existence.
This is true when someone else has to prove that x,y,z exists.

What if you are the one to make it happen?
Take for example: those small little changes that we have been talking about. You know, speak slowly, pay attention to the listener, don't put your hands in your pockets when you speak.. etc.

Well, these are actions that you have to do. But to make it happen, you have to believe that it can happen, BEFORE it happens. Not wait to see it happen

You have to believe that you can.

That is the first step. If you think that it cannot happen, it will not.
This applies to problem solving too. You first have to believe that it can be solved. Then solutions occur to you. You think of how it can be achieved only if you think that it can be done!!!

If you start with the idea that it cannot be done.. then there is no way you will even recognise a solution if it knocks on your door in the morning with your favourite hot drink in hand!

Similarly, you have to believe that you can make those changes.
Only then will you be able to even think of the practical aspects of it.

Then you choose the way that works for you. Little by little, one baby step at a time and soon you are a pro.

Happy changing!

See you next week.

Keep those comments coming!

I do enjoy them and they do help me with future posting ideas. So if you want me talk about something in particular, ASK. Send me a mail allverbal@gmail.com

Gayatri

Too much of a good thing...

2009-06-21T18:45:00.001-07:00

Simply looking at somebody and understanding what is going on in their minds....! What an idea! If only we could do that! Would be worth a sum of money with many zeroes in it, wouldn't it?

What if I told you that it is not only possible, but that all of us have that ability. Yes, that is right. All of us human beings, along with quite a few other animals do have that ability!
We can look at people and read what they are feeling. At times, we can also see their intentions. Thinking, I would say would be difficult to do. Any guesses why?

That is because we may not have the same data that they do. However, it is not difficult to understand other's motivations or prime movers.

What we have to do is, trust our instincts a bit more. Take our time bring into focus things that are not spoken. Silence helps. Listen in silence. Take the time to tap into your instincts. What is your gut feeling telling you? Listen to it and then respond.

There are many books out there that tell you to look at body language. Look at where the hand is or where the feet are facing. Yes, they are all pertinent. However, not in isolation. Just looking at the eyes or the position of the hands, cannot tell you much. Focusing too much on these things can be misleading and a waste of time at best. You need to take in the whole picture.

For those of you fiction readers out there, here is a reference from a very popular series of books, that illustrates this point. In Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot series, there is a book called 'One, Two, Buckle my Shoe' In this book, a key character called Alistair Blunt is introduced. If you read that passage, you will understand the dangers of reading too much into body language.

Email or comment if you are not able to get a hold of this book, I will post that portion next week. The wikipedia reference is linked to the title of the book above, to help you look for the book online.

Enjoy!

See you next week. Keep those comments coming. You know my mail id allverbal@gmail.com

Gayatri

The little things.

2009-06-14T07:35:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

My line of work gives me the opportunity to listen to a lot of people speak. They maybe young learners or seasoned professionals. I remember some of these speeches for a long time. I have tried to find out what makes some of them memorable and others fleeting. There is the content of course. Anything with a 'Wow! I did not know that!' would automatically be remembered.

Other than that, one thing that is common to all those memorable speakers is clarity of speech.

Clarity comes from the little things.

1. Using simple words
2. Enunciating words clearly - not 'gonna' for ' going to' OR 'Waterudoin?' for 'What are you doing?'
3. Pausing appropriately
4. Mindfulness in speaking -listening to what is coming out of your mouth

Above all, what I noted about the memorable speakers is commitment to the act of communication. Memorable speakers sound genuine. It is not just about the language, though it does help to have good language skills, but being what you are. If you profess to be an expert in language it should be clearly apparent in the words you choose and the skill with which you put your point across. If you are an expert on the subject, the breadth and depth of your knowledge, and your passion for it should clearly come through in your presentation.

Breezing in to your presentation not sure what is the file name of the ppt you need to use or presenting your material in an offhand manner dilutes your message significantly. It also dilutes the audience's respect for you.

If you are a statistician, keep your numbers straight and precise.
If you are a language teacher, keep your grammar tight.
If you are an accountant, better know your debit from credit.

Such a simple thing, you might say. But, of late I have been exposed to presenters who have committed the cardinal sin of not being prepared AND being offhand with their material.
Hence this strong note to you all, dear readers.

I know you will take this heart and will become memorable speakers.

My best wishes to you all!

Do keep those comments coming. You all know my mail ID - allverbal@gmail.com

I look forward to hearing from you.

Gayatri

Keep your ears open.

2009-06-07T19:03:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

With the heat of the summer, I am sure that reading about doing a lot of different things is tiring enough. So today, I thought of sharing a tip to keep your cool.

So far, I have talked and talked about speaking and talking. How does it feel to be on the other side? How does it feel to be a listener?

As a listener, most often we focus on the content or message that the speaker is trying to convey. This is not only when listening to speeches or presentations, but also in conversations.
We focus on the data points and try to make connections or put them in order. This helps us understand the data and even recollect it later.

However, there is another dimension to listening that is not often brought up into consciousness. Listening to the feelings or emotions of the speaker. As speakers we reveal more than what our words are saying. The tone, the emphasis points, the body language all together convey a big chunk of the message.

You might say "Hey! We are all adults here. If somebody is feeling something, they should just say it!" True, in an ideal world, it would work that way.

But in the real world? Nah.. it is too difficult to convey all our feelings in words. Why?

1. We may not feel comfortable with the time and place.
2. We may not feel that the listener can be trusted.
3. We may not have the right words to express our feelings.
4. We may not even be aware of all of our feelings.

As a listener, these are the four areas we must address, if we want to understand the person speaking. Of course, this kind of focus or depth is not needed in most conversations, but it is of tremendous value where we will be interacting at length, either at work or at home.

Happy Listening!

See you all next week.

Gayatri

Straight from the heart!

2009-05-31T03:05:00.000-07:00

Have you heard these comments about speakers?

" She is a good speaker!"

" He has the gift of the gab."

"He handles the audience well!"

"She has good crowd control.."

..... and so on and so forth..!

All good things to hear, no doubt.

But as a communication professional, what I like to hear the most.. or sometimes just see the most is ... heads nodding in complete agreement or soft, involuntary grunts of assent, meaning 'yes.. I agree with you' or 'yes, I see what you are saying'. The body language of the audience is also open and accepting, and you can sense the connection that the speaker has with the audience.

How does this happen? What can you, as a speaker do, to make this happen?

The answer itself is very simple.

Honesty.

To make it happen, to be open and honest in your speech, is difficult.

Speak what you feel, from the heart and see what happens.
Try it today. You don't have wait for a podium or auditorium, you can try this with your close family and friends.

Then carry the practice to your professional communication, written or spoken.

Remember that honesty is not about throwing facts in someone's face. It is about telling them what you think or feel, substantiated by the why.. where possible. You will feel an instant connection with your audience. The best part is that it just appears difficult.. once you break the initial barrier then you will see that it is ridiculously easy.

That is all for the week. Keep those mails and comments coming. I greatly appreciate feedback. After all communication is a two way street!

See you next week!

Gayatri

Key to Life long Success!

2009-05-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

No, no.. not black magic or even black money.. no way!!!

And no, it is not a sarcastic statement.

Let me start by asking you, dear reader, a question? Do you want to be successful in your life?

Aha! What is that I hear? That was a very loud and resounding YES!

My, my.. you do know your minds, don't you?

I agree, it would be very difficult to find one human being who does not want success, that too life long success.

Of course, there are variations on how each one defines success. But I bet all of it involves moving from point A to point B and perhaps beyond.

Ok, ok.. a bit more patience and I will get to the point. :)

The key to life long success is:

A life long learning attitude!

There, now you have the answer. Beautiful concept, isn't it?

What does it look like.. this learning attitude?

You grab every learning opportunity that comes your way. You are hungry for knowledge. You cajole, coax or sweet talk people into sharing their experience and knowledge. You read widely and discuss your view point openly. You choose to advance your learning either formally or informally. Where you have chosen to go with the formal way.. you stay committed to the program. You do the reading that is needed and participate in the classroom learning process. Heck, you even show up for classes as often as needed. :)

Now here is the killer.. when you to do some activity for the learning process, Do NOT ask: Is it enough to do this much? Instead ask: How much more CAN I do?

It is not one of those political statements, though it might remind you of the famous saying of John F Kennedy 'Ask not what the country can do for you, ask what you can do for the country.'

In spirit, it is somewhat similar. What I mean by 'How much more CAN I do?' is this: When you work upto your maximum capacity, a different set of mental gears fall into place. This set of new gears open new thought processes, which mean new opportunities. New opportunities are what keep your life on the straight track, don't you agree?

Maximize learning, minimize risk of failure.

A bit of back story

What set me off on this post is this little incident.

I found myself wandering the first floor hallways of a school this weekend. Along with the usual coaching classes and practice tests, there were some exams happening for a national level job placement. Two young persons came up to me and asked me which floor were those exams happening. There were two more floors up and being a visitor myself, I did not know the answer. However, I knew where the office was and pointed it out to them. It was about 10 feet away from where we were standing, but the youngsters would need to go back to the ground floor and climb up a few stairs.

Any guesses on what the two aspiring employees decided to do?

They looked at me, aghast, as though I was advocating walking on hot coals and said "But, we will have to go downstairs and climb back up again!"

They chose to wander the hallways in the upper floors instead, running the risk of being late for the exam, or showing up in the wrong room!

The learning attitude may at times seem like having to climb up and down stairs, even steep ones. But look at the alternative, you will be left wandering strange hallways, and perhaps be late for an opportunity or even miss it!

Foster, nurture and develop a learning attitude.

And success is yours!

See you next week!

Gayatri

Lordy, Lordy! Wordy, Wordy!

2009-05-17T18:13:00.001-07:00

In one of my recent posts I talked about improving vocabulary by reading widely. A good vocabulary helps us in articulating our thoughts and feelings better. However, I think that a word of caution is in order! A good vocabulary is needed but if the words are strewn around randomly, it will look as though you got a haircut by electrocution. Read on and you will understand what I mean!

In my wanderings on the World Wide Web, I came across a site which had the following sentences..

"If you hate confinement of your ideas & creativities, organization lacking of measurements and consideration of your knack, find irresistible of novelty, free flowing & an essence of party at work, you will make it over here. It is never a stuff of surprise of getting vibrant errands that you can end up with benchmarks under the tutelage of expertise from IIM’s, FMS & XLRI. ...................has a proclivity of hiring folks those who have the hallucination of handling a whole unit of their relation by bolstering the domino effect ironically. You can be Sheikhchilli at times and that nawab’s notions gets materializes fair enough to remunerate well within our expectations. So come up with go get attitude to stride towards the summits of triumphs are waiting for you."

Whew!!! What words!!! Talk of brain sprain :)

Out of plain human compassion, I have blocked the name of the company. It is enough to say that they are related to higher education.

Ah, that answers a few questions on the state of the nation doesn't it?

So folks, big words do not count, if they are not in the right place. If you can say the same thing using simpler and fewer words, do so!

And for heaven's sake.. if you have a website up for the whole world to see, have it edited and reviewed.

See you next week!

Gayatri

The Heart and the Mind

2009-05-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

On the path of professional development we go through a lot of tips and tricks, suggestions, edicts and mandates. Everyone swears that each of those will work. As a budding professional, it is difficult to figure out which one to follow. The answer is simple.

Go with your Heart!

Now, you might ask 'Is it very professional, to go with the heart? Aren't emotions problematic in the work place?'

True. However, emotions are there. Part and parcel of every human being. The problems you see are not caused by emotions themselves, but in the way you express it.

It is equally true that if your heart is not in it, your head will not follow! Well then, you know the rest. Half-hearted attempts at making changes, not finding time to practice, finding reasons why all such programs are not suitable to your particular circumstance etc etc.......

The way to put this into practice, is not to overthink it!

Listen to your heart, and jump in!

At the very least, the journey will be fun.

So what do you have to lose?

C'mon! Choose your path and make those changes. I am always here to help by answering your questions on professional development. Feel free to email, if you prefer. I can help you figure out where to go next.

Keep those comments coming. Remember, I am open to requests for posts on specific topics of your interest.

See you next week!

Gayatri

Right word in the right place

2009-05-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

In the dim, distant past, as a school student, the highlight of the year was those long, lazy summer holidays. I am talking about those days, when your holidays were not expected to be filled with classes in handwriting improvement, or Vedic Maths or cookery, as the poor kids are subjected to these days. I was one of those fortunate few who had very little to do during the holidays except play games all day, or indulge in the favorite pastime of reading. When I say all day, I mean ALL day. There were days when friends would gather right after a hurried breakfast and go home at sunset, with a short hurried lunch break.

But the days I most cherish are the days spent reading books. I think reading might be too mild a word here, the word should be 'lost'. I was lost in books. Today, all that reading has helped me a lot.

How?

By helping me find the words to express my thoughts and ideas precisely and easily.

In my programs on communication, one of the skills that I emphasise is the need to build and maintain a good vocabulary. What is a good vocabulary, you ask?

A good vocabulary differs from person to person. What is a good vocabulary for a teacher is not the same for a manager, or as sales person. It is what you do that largely dicates what you say.
Therefore, it must follow that the words you need would depend upon your area of work, your role, the industry you are in etc, etc.. etc.

The only way to improve your vocabulary is to read widely. Widely meaning reading about different topics, points of view or styles of writing.

Yep.. this too falls in the category of easier said than done. Very true.

I thought about it a lot and have come up with a quick and easy reading list which can work for most people.

At the very least, it is a starting point and solves the dilemma of deciding what to read.

1. Newspapers: Read one everyday, preferably something that has local news. However, if there is scope for improvement in your English language skills then choose an English language newspaper. Next, read at least 2 foreign newspapers weekly - one American and another European. You can read online versions for free.
2. Read at least 2 general interest magazines or blogs 3-4 times a week. My choice is a magazine called 'The Economist' and I follow http://www.slate.com/ Yes, CNN does count!
3. Books: Fiction is fine. And it does not have to be Shakespeare or Dickens.
Here are some of my all time favorites:
Any books by Arthur Hailey. I think Hailey is a good way to start, especially the early books like Money Changers or Airport. They are light and thought they are works of fiction, we get an in depth look at different industries.
If you like courtroom drama, some classics are books by Erle Stanley Gardner, or you could not go wrong with a modern day legal drama by John Grisham.
I like to throw in a few biographies once in a while. Why don't you try at least two or three in a year? Choose biographies of people you admire, to start with. Jack Welch, Bill Gates... take your pick.

Your reading should be around 4-5 hours per week.. bare minimum. It would be very easy to reach this if you choose topics that you like.

As you read, engage with the material. Ask basic questions as you go along, try to find why a particular character was presented in that way, understand what was the perspective of the story teller etc. Look for clues that point to twists in the story. As a reader, you will get more out of the time spent when you keep your mind active while reading.

Keep this up faithfully and in six months I guarantee that you will see a significant improvement in your vocabulary.

See you soon!

Keep those comments coming, if you would like, you can always email it to allverbal@gmail.com

Gayatri

CEO Speak!

2009-04-26T06:23:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

Where ever I have gone for training or teaching, I have always emphasised the need for good communication skills. In fact, I am a strong believer and spend a lot of time & energy sharing my thoughts on this.

However, I always get the feeling that NOT all of the people who hear me, actually believe what I say. Being polite and compassionate people, they also do not actually refute me. But the body language gives them away. :-)

So, when I find some big names in the industry repeating my message, I am super thrilled.

Here I was today, surfing for news and general reading, when I came across this article.
It was so apt, that I decided to do something that I normally avoid, which is to get secondhand content. You will see why when you read ahead.

This is an interview with the CEO of Delta Airlines, Richard Anderson. It is one of the few airlines to keep afloat in these times. Actually, they turned around from a bankruptcy a few years ago. See the Wall Street Journal's fact sheet on Delta here

Here is an excerpt from the interview:

Q. And is there any change in the kind of qualities you’re looking for compared with 5, 10 years ago?
A. I think this communication point is getting more and more important. People really have to be able to handle the written and spoken word. And when I say written word, I don’t mean PowerPoints. I don’t think PowerPoints help people think as clearly as they should because you don’t have to put a complete thought in place. You can just put a phrase with a bullet in front of it. And it doesn’t have a subject, a verb and an object, so you aren’t expressing complete thoughts.
And a lot of what we do in communication, when you write e-mail, you need to express yourself very clearly so people understand whether we’re going to L.A. today or we’re going to Boston today.

Q. What would you like to see business schools teach more?
A. When you’re managing as much change as corporations globally must deal with today, the ability to communicate and communicate effectively is so important that it ought to be a core capability in a business school curriculum.

..... and much much more about the kind of people he looks for.

Good to know!

Happy reading!

See you next week.

Let us hear from you all! Keep those comments coming.

Gayatri

Mindgames of the high achievers.

2009-04-19T19:44:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

Today's title is slightly Sidney Sheldonish, but it is a no less thrilling topic.

Last week we talked about action. I know that it is easier said than done. So here is another approach to action.

If you practice it HONESTLY and SINCERELY.. you are bound to win!

This mindgame takes a bit from all that we have discussed so far on this blog.

Try it, and send me feedback!

In the early stages it is easier if you practice this just as you go to sleep or just as you wake up.
Simply because it requires you to keep your eyes closed. :)

1. Close your eyes.
2. Think of the change you want to make, not as a thought, but as action. That means that you should walk through the process in your mind. Say you want to improve in public speaking:
Imagine walking up to the stage, looking at the audience, feel the chill of the airconditioning..hear the sounds of doors closing. See if you can think of the colours in the room, consciously see them and name them..... red, blue, white etc. Note what kind of clothes you are wearing.
3. Go through the whole speech you have in your mind.
4. Note and acknowledge the sensation in your body while you are imagining this. Is it tense? Is it relaxed?
5. Think of the feeling you will get when you have successfully completed the speech.
6. Sense the congratulations of friends, actually feel the handshakes and back thumps.
7. Open your eyes.
8. Repeat it until you note less tension or stress in you while making this imaginary speech.

You can use this method for anything that appears tough to you.. not just communication skills.

Consider this my summer gift to you!

Enjoy and share stories of your results.

I know it has been year end and all of you readers have been busy.. but do drop a line in the comments section once in a while. :)

Before I sign off, a very warm and heartfelt welcome to the new readers and followers of this blog.

See you next week!

Gayatri

Lights, Camera, Action!

2009-04-12T07:22:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes! Don't throw things at me please! I am not good at ducking like G W B or P C . I know that this title is very cheesy and cliche ridden. However, I am sure you will agree that it caught your attention.

The point is that we can plan all we want, but if we do not put it into action, the planning is USELESS.

So, how do we convert plan to action?

The first thing is to confirm that you have given your plan some serious thought.
Spend some time reviewing it. Go over the key points. Double check the availability of your friends and collaborators.

Now, TAKE a DEEP BREATH... and
Lights, Camera, Action!

You might justifiably say.. "Easy for you to say...difficult for us to do!"
I agree.. that is why IT MUST BE DONE. It could simply be inertia.
When I say IT MUST BE DONE.. I don't mean PERFECTLY done. I mean DONE.. just simply done.. attempted ... and ...completed.

Then.. review.. identify remediable mistakes.. and TRY AGAIN..

Isn't that simple?

Plan:
Don't put hands in pockets during presentation.

Action:
Hands went to pocket 5 times during presentation but did not stay there too long.

Result: Good

Next Attempt:
Hands went to pocket only 2 times during presentation..

Result: Very Good.

See.. it IS simple.

So, friends.. especially those of you enjoying a long weekend.. or fortunate enough to go away on vacation, you are sure to be refreshed enough to try this..

Let me know how it worked for you.

See you once again , next week.

Gayatri

Planned Improvements

2009-04-05T19:45:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

Today we get into the nitty gritties of planning.

When we talk about planning, we think of those great five year plans or something on that scale.
Not surprisingly, we are put off by the whole process. It is too big, complicated and if we ask "Did all that planning help us in any way?"..
the honest answer would probably be..
"mmm, not sure!"

So with this in the background, planning seems to be daunting.
But hey I am an optimist!
So let us start with the good news ..

Planning does not have to be so rigid.
Planning is not a do or die thing.
Planning is good for your health. ( truly... no jokes, it reduces stress!)
Planning is a good exercise for the brain.

...Can you tell, that I like planning?

So how can planning help your self improvement?

The best benefit of planning is not the plan but the PROCESS of planning.
The process of planning forces you to think of alternatives. It makes you ask those what if questions..

Q. What if I forget an important point?
A. May be I could take some notes with me.

Q. What if I over shoot the allotted time?
A. Oh .. I could ask Bala my friend to signal 3 minutes before the end of time.

Q. How can I remember not to put my hands in the pockets?
A. I need to find out what makes me put my hands in the pockets.. !

Well the last one is not technically a 'what if' question, but you, intelligent reader, understand my point don't you?

What are you waiting for?

Write down your objective.. no short cuts.. it needs to be written down.
Then start thinking how you would put into action.
Write down the questions that come up.
Then answer them to the best of your ability. All of the questions may not be answered.. never mind.. let it be. These unanswered questions are your limitations.

See, putting it down in writing is already giving you a good picture of how you can accomplish your objective.

This may seem a lot to do, to just learn to keep your hands off your pockets.

You are right! It is!!

More good news, as you get more practice with this planning thing you become adept at it and it becomes a natural process, like walking or drinking water. Even as you take up a new task, you would automatically start planning.

So what does your plan look like!

Do share!

See you all next week!

Gayatri

PLAN to ACT!

2009-03-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

Hi All..

This is the fourth posting in a series on the 'how tos' of making positive changes to your communication skills. I think one of the most common myths about communication skills is that it is an inborn talent, and those of us who missed the queue before being born, are somehow doomed to live life as poor communicators. Yes, there are natural orators and charming speakers.. but all, each and every one of them need to plan to make improvements.

What does planning mean, in this context? It means to consciously set a goal and move towards it at a pace that is convenient to you. I repeat.. convenient to you.

You want to be able to make presentations to your own team mates? Set a goal that probably says something like this: I want to make a presentation on direct taxes to my team mates in the first week of April. Then set a personal improvement goal for yourself. That could be something like: I will reduce the number of times I put my hands in my pockets. OR I will avoid putting my hands in my pockets altogether.

Have a friend keep track of the number of times you put your hands in your pockets.
Next time around, reduce it even further.

The idea here is not just think that 'I must avoid putting hands in pockets' but to set out to act.

I am stopping here to let you do some thinking on how you can plan to act.

We will get into specifics of planning next week.. for now get started with your own action plan!

See you in these pages next week!

Gayatri

No Pain No Gain!

2009-03-22T06:35:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends!

Another week, another posting.... But this time I have come to you with a rather heavy topic.

You probably guessed that from the title and the word 'pain'.

This is step 3 of the process of making long standing changes.
After you have decided on what to change and strongly resolved to make those changes, you would need to learn some new things. This is where the road gets rough. We discover that we need to concentrate and also invest time in learning these new things.
As adults, most of us have forgotten the sensations associated with learning. We walk, take a bath, blithely cross the road, without a thought about the learning process that got us there.

This is what I decided to remind you about. Learning is tough. It takes time. It takes effort. At the very least, it is damned uncomfortable. It is tough enough to learn new things in the privacy of your home, but it is that much harder to do so in front of other people, as in workshops.

There is stress, there is discomfort.. or anxieties. There are things to remembered, things to be understood, things to be practiced and above all things to be forgotten or unlearned.
NOT fun!

At this stage, many people give up, thinking that if this is so hard, then maybe I don't have what it takes. Maybe, I am not smart enough or may be I am too old etc. etc..

Let me take you back to last week's posting where I talked about how a child learns to walk. Has anyone heard of a child that just got up and quickly walked upright without a fall, wobble or hesitation? Have you ever picked up a child right after it has made those first steps? I am sure you would have heard a pounding heart. That comes from the fearful excitement and supreme effort of making those first steps. Though a natural process, it was surely a high octane task, requiring focus and effort.

As adults, we are fully aware of the consequences of mistakes and are afraid of being seen as less-than-perfect by our friends and colleagues. A child just goes with the flow, not conscious of the awkardness of her gait or the number of falls he has had to go through to make those first few steps.

Set your mind to the fact that learning is awkward, messy, uncomfortable and yes, even painful at times. This is because your brain is required to make changes and there is some resistance initially. Once you consciously accept that this discomfort or pain is a part of learning, you will not give up the process of making the change. That is all.

Thank you, all!

A special thanks to those who take the time and effort to post comments.

See you in a week!

Gayatri

The will and the won't

2009-03-15T19:08:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,

This is step two on the road to making changes in your life. I am sure that by now, you would have all realised that these steps can be adapted to make any kind of change and not just in communication skills.

Step two is to believe that you can make the change.
Often in many of my sessions I get at least one person, who has all the prerequisites to making the change, but somehow does not. The one simple reason is the lack of this belief.

There are two sides to this coin.
If you believe you can then you will.
If you believe you cannot then you won't.
It is just this simple.

You might say 'Gayatri, this seems something that no one can change. After all it takes a long time to change such belief.'

Yes, you are right.

However, there is a way out of this seemingly impossible situation.
Follow the British... divide and rule.

No..no..no.. this is not a lesson in history. Divide and rule may not have worked for the British in the long run, but it can work well for us in developing a positive belief about our abilities.

Imagine this: if you tell a child that you need to walk so many million steps in your life and that you better be prepared to walk through flooded streets and hot pavements; how many children do you think would ever walk with that kind of pressure?
How do children learn to walk? By taking one step after another.

The trick is not to look at the big picture of improvement, but just look at the next step. You do not have to even consider the long term view. You don't even have to consider whether you want to become a good speaker. All you have to do is to look at the next step and believe that you can do it.

Most often, if you are in a classroom, it just means that you believe that you can follow the instructions given to you, step by step. When you are working on your own, use the divide and rule policy.
If your ultimate goal is to address your board of directors, tell yourself this: I am going to practice speaking clearly; NOT: I am going to give a presentation to the Board of Directors in the next two years. Once you have practiced speaking clearly, you can practice handling questions or whatever is the next big thing on your list.

It is just that simple.

See you in a week in these pages.

Gayatri

How to make those changes...

2009-03-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

Hi friends!

In the last month in these pages, you would have read a lot of tips and pointers on improving communication. I hope that some of you have tried to make those small changes. Hopefully some of you have even benefited from those changes.

However, some of you, very rightly so, have thought that tips are a dime a dozen. So what is new? How do I actually make those changes in real life?

This update is for you. Read on!

The first step to putting tips to practice, is to understand where you are. A very honest and comprehensive self assessment is needed.

A short and quick version would look something like this. You can make your own self assessment based on your work or life.

Sample assessment

The scale is marked this way:
1. Does not apply to me at all
2. Somewhat or sometimes applies to me.
3. Frequently applies to me.
4. That is surely, positively me.

S1. I have a clear, audible voice.
1 2 3 4

S2. I can quickly organize my thoughts to get the point across.
1 2 3 4

S3. I like telling stories about everyday things.
1 2 3 4

S4. I am generally nervous about speaking in public.
1 2 3 4

You see, making a list of points for assessment is easy. The difficult part is to be honest with our responses. Some of us think nothing of our abilities whereas others think that they are the best at whatever they do. In most cases, these are not honest assessments.

But yes, we are all human and cannot precisely measure our abilities. What can we do?

1. Be honest with yourself. Use technology to help you. Record and play your presentations and speeches.

2. Ask a couple of trusted friends to make their own assessment and persuade them to be honest too.

How does this assessment business help you?

First, you may be surprised to find that you may not be as bad as you thought.
Second, you will know where to focus next.

If you find that you have a good voice, you could use that to your advantage in your presentations. You may also find that you need to work at collecting your thoughts together. Well then, this is the area that you work at. You can direct your efforts to the area where it is most needed.

Howzzat for simple yet effective?

See you in these pages next week, when I talk about the next step towards making those improvements.

Keep those comments coming.

This post is going up a day early as I am traveling and not sure about net access.

Thank you!

Gayatri

First e-Impressions

2009-03-01T18:13:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a long trip. What is so special about this? I tried out something new, for me that is :)
I deliberately stayed away from computers and the internet. Two reasons: The connectivity in the area I visited is not the best. Secondly, I wanted to see what people do to get in touch with me do. I had set my mail to auto respond with a message pointing to my mobile number for urgent matters.

The good news is that it worked. Those who needed to talk to me did.

So what is the story, you might ask.

Well, this story is about those emails that are in my inbox. I have just checked my inbox and guess what? I find that I respond to mails where the subject line is specific, first.

And the ones that I have not yet opened contain this in the subject line:
(no subject)

Normally, I respond to all my mails the very same day. When faced with a back log such as this, I need to prioritize. This is my list:

Ongoing projects
Specific requests
Updates from my professional and friends network
Standard statements and reports from financial institutions
Forwards that look interesting
Special promotional offers

Then perhaps, maybe those that have (no subject) in the subject line.

This is my priority.

I am sure all of you there have your own methods to sort through your mail.

I find that the (no subject) email irks me the most, just slightly more than mails that say 'hi'.. from people that I have already met at least a half dozen times.

The first impression that I get from such mails is not great. I consider the individual, thoughtless and uncaring; adjectives that you do not want in your professional life.

You might say: Gayatri, you are going too far with this. What if somebody just forgot? After all, everyone is quite busy and such things do happen.

Yes.. I agree. However, most email software puts out an alert saying 'This mail has no subject, do you still want to send it?' This is a safeguard against forgetfulness.

If this too fails, and you find that you have sent out mails without a subject; once you catch this mistake, send an apology email. Simple. And nothing makes a good impression than a well timed apology. More on this on a later blog!

So what makes a good subject line?

That too is simple:

Be short
Well, you all surely know this, so I will not elaborate.

Be specific
Now, this is something that requires a bit of thought. The subject line must grab your attention, and relate to the content.
Instead of saying Meeting Schedule say All Staff Meeting at 4pm.
Instead of saying Weekly report say Weekly Report for week 1-7th March 2009.
Instead of saying Travel plans, say Travel Plans- Chennai March First week.
Your correspondent will understand what the mail is about, and months later, it would be easier for you to search through your mails when you need to double check a date or find an attachment. Best of all, you leave behind a professional impression.

What do you think? Let me know how you deal with such emails.

See you in these pages next Monday.

Gayatri

Receiving with grace

2009-02-22T16:22:00.000-08:00

As promised in my last post, this post is about the flip side of giving feedback; receiving feedback.

In my workshops on communication skills, I have always managed to weave in some activity on giving and receiving feedback. Invariably, the initial response to feedback is to get defensive.

Feedback 1: Well, I think that the font size on these slides could have been bigger.
Response 1: *splutter..splutter* But, we had to fit in all the information for the figure and the template provides only so much space.

Let us take a look at another scenario,
Feedback 1: We feel that the some of the key points were not covered in your summary.
Feedback 2: Our team thinks that your summary was too long.
Response to 1 and 2: *blink, blink* Ok, I will improve next time.

Do you see what I mean?

In the first scenario, the response is to go into a detailed explanation of why the font size could not have been bigger; in the second, it appears to be a polite way of deflecting the point.

So why does this happen?

Often, the person at the receiving end feels overwhelmed. Why? Because he thinks that he will not be able to make all the changes that are pointed out by the feedback.

For all those who have been in this position, here is your Presidential Pardon, General Amnesty or Get away free ticket. Call it whatever you like.

‘You do NOT have to actually make all those changes.’

Alert reader, yes… you did read that correctly.. I repeat

‘You do NOT have to actually make all those changes.’

Doesn’t make sense, does it?
It will, in a few minutes. Let me share an example from my own life.

I wear glasses; have been wearing for a long time. Often, I have had people tell me that I should switch to contacts. They tell me that I would look better. I agree; I probably would. I choose to stay with glasses, as it suits my lifestyle better. For me wearing glasses gives flexibility and saves me a few minutes everyday that I would otherwise need to spend on maintaining the contacts.

You see, the answer is that however valid the feedback might be, it is up to you to see how well it fits into your life or goals. If you keep this in mind, you would be able to take feedback without getting defensive.

Whether you are going to make the changes or not, here are some points that will help you take feedback with good grace.

Listen carefully. It is important to get all the points clearly. Only then would you be able to decide whether to make those changes or not.

Ask for clarifications. If you are not clear about any point, ask those clarifying questions. ‘You mean, my voice is shaky now, or it is shaky all the time?’

Watch your tone. Be polite and respectful when responding to feedback. A positive tone shows that you are open to feedback. As a growing professional, you need all the feedback that you can get.

Say Thank You! Remember that people do not have to give you feedback. It always helps to show your gratitude. It is a good practice for the young professional to adopt.

Thank you all!

See you on theses pages next Monday!

Gayatri

2009-02-15T07:42:00.000-08:00

Feedback or closing the loop
Most of my ‘hands on’, action oriented friends tell me, that improving basic communication skills such as listening or questioning is all fine… however, when the rubber hits the road, it is those little office situations that trip them up. Being a good friend and with a dash of professional interest I dutifully ask “Really? What kind of situations are you talking about?” On hindsight, I need not have bothered. As I know from my own experience giving and receiving feedback tops the list.

Of course, we all are familiar with feedback in social situations.
If your friend has painted his house and asked you for your opinion, you mumble something positive sounding, though the bright colors he seems to prefer sends you running for your sun glasses.

Back in the office, if the very same friend is part of your team, you hesitate to give honest feedback on his work. Or worse, go overboard with the criticisms.

See this imaginary conversation…

“ Hi! I just finished the presentation on our team’s performance for the annual conference.”
“Good!”
“Can you take a look and tell me your opinion?”

If you are the presenter’s boss, it is easy. You gently nudge him towards what will show your team in the best light.

What if you are not? How should you respond?

Well, a professional would give a very clear feedback, couched in non-critical terms. For eg:

“Putting the chart up horizontally is very interesting. Have you projected it to check whether everyone in the audience will be able to see all the data points that way?”
Note that the decision is still in the colleague’s hands and the point is made.

Here is what to remember when giving feedback.

Start with a positive. When faced with a situation where there is no discernible positive, then praise the effort!
Be specific. Say what it is that you like about that project or work. For eg: I like the way you started your article with a real life example. It helped me see the application right away.
Focus on the task not on the person. Instead of saying that you are an efficient person, say that the task is completed efficiently. This is lifesaver when it comes to talking about problems such as inconsistent performance or lack of punctuality.
Avoid all sweeping terms such as ‘great’ or ‘super’ in formal feedback. Instead, focus on the benefit or result. Eg: Ravi has achieved a 1% reduction in maintenance costs.

See how easy it is?

Talking of feedback, we look forward to your comments. Share your thoughts and ideas. If you would like me to address a specific topic, or explain a point, just let me know using the comment box below.

See you next week with the other side of feedback.. how to receive feedback graciously.

Gayatri

Fear is the Key

2009-02-08T06:01:00.000-08:00

Fear is the key! is the title of a book by Alistair Maclean, an author of wartime espionage books, very popular in the 70s. In my school days, it was a big favorite among my classmates and a dog-eared, food smeared copy circulated among us for months. Along with the usual dose of adventure and mayhem, it also had a good dose of sarcastic humor, a winning combination as far as teenage readers were concerned.

“What does this have to do with communication?” asks the alert reader.
In most professional communication situations like presentations or speeches, fear is the key!
To be more precise, conquering fear is the key!

When we go in front of an audience, most of us awaken dormant butterflies in the stomach. The butterflies in turn are equally excited about the speech we are about to make and seem to be doing complicated aerodynamic somersaults to get our attention.

Is this common? Do ALL speakers face this? Experts say yes. More experienced speakers do get butterflies but manage to control their impact. You can say that they can make the butterflies move in formation like the fighter jets in the Republic Day parade.

Here are some of the tips that work for them. Try them and see how it works for you.

Experts recognize the need for preparation. They strive for mastery over the material. It is obvious that if you feel shaky about the material, then you will be much less confident about sharing it with others, let alone in front of a formal audience. So prepare your material thoroughly.

Aim for quality not quantity. In the course of your preparation you may collect so much material that you won’t know what to keep and what to ignore. The trick here is to ask yourself the question: “If I had to write the 3 most important things about this topic, what would they be?” Those are the points you must make in your speech or presentation.

Connect with your audience. Pepper your talk with examples that your audience can relate to. If you are not sure about the profile of the audience, aim for some general points. Traffic, pollution, family relationships, school days, government, etc are good sources for general examples or stories.

Practice, practice, practice! There is no short cut to this. Practice each presentation or speech, completely and thoroughly. The alert reader once again would ask, “How many times should I practice?” Well the answer is, as many times as it takes for you to make your speech or presentation with ease. For some it might be 3 times, for others it would be 6 and for yet others it could be 10 times. The good news is that, you will need lesser and lesser practice, as you make more and more presentations.... which brings us to the next tip.

Seize every opportunity to make a speech or presentation. This is the key to conquering fear. Making speeches or presentation should be as familiar and comfortable as eating out in your favorite restaurant.

Spread some humour. Follow the lead set by Alistair Maclean. If audiences accept humor in wartime espionage, they would not penalize a talk on taxation sprinkled with funny quotes or examples. Even the tried and tested jokes work well in such situations.

Here is one to start off your collection of jokes : A business owner walks into an auditor’s office and tells him that he has got summons from the income tax department and needs to show up at their offices in a week with his audited books. The harassed auditor looked through the account books of the client and found many pitfalls. He calls the owner on the phone and says, “You better pray that the IT commissioner is a fan of Sherlock Holmes!” “Why?” asks the surprised entrepreneur. “The deductions you have made in the last 3 years are even more brilliantly creative than the ones made by Holmes in his entire career!” responds the auditor.

Au revoir!

See you every Monday on these pages.

Do send in your comments. Use the comment box below. I look forward to hearing your views and jokes!

Gayatri

Listen to improve language

2009-01-29T07:03:00.000-08:00

Hi All!

Welcome to Prime Speak, my blog about communicating well!

Often I am asked by professionals, young and old, "How do I improve my language skills?" or "How can I learn to speak better?" For all such questions I have only one answer : "Listen."

As adults we forget that we first learnt to speak through listening. It is a tried and tested method and we have tons of practice learning language this way, don't you agree? After all, if you spend a few minutes where more than a handful of people are gathered, the noise level alone would tell you that most people have significant language skills.

"So what is the problem?" you may ask. The problem is that casual conversations and business discussions are completely different. The language itself may be different. Even when language is the same, the vocabulary could be different. After all you are not an accountant at home. :)
The level of formality could very well be different.
"Yes, it could be... but how to get over this?"
"Simply Listen."
"Yes, but listen to what?"
Good question. You listen to the domain or area where you need to improve. That is listening to more professional material on audio or attending seminars.
Look for websites that podcasts finance or accounting related discussions or essays.
Look for audio versions of financial newspapers or magazines. Many such sites are free. Some may require an account to be created, often at no charge.
I personally like to listen to podcasts on the Economists website. http://www.economist.com/.
It is important that you find something that you like. Or it will be difficult to stick with it. Spend not more the 20-30 minutes a day. In weeks you will notice improvement in vocabulary, pronunciation and structure. In 5-6 months, others will be asking you the same question. " How can I improve my speaking skills?"
And you will say.
"Listen."
Take up this challenge and share your experience in the comment section.
I will be posting every Monday for you to start the week with a new perspective on communication.

Happy Listening!

Gayatri